Too complicated…..

In an Indian society when a girl gets married it is very conveniently assumed that post kanya daan she has been adopted by a new home and now that new home which is apparently her husband’s home is her karma bhoomi.  Her parents feel relieved that finally they have succeeded in settling their daughters that had been an agenda on mind since she was born. The husband’s home is happy as they welcome a new family member which they think is going to merge in their set up like sugar in water.

 It all looks so sweet. Our family traditions our values all so visible in both the families. Both the sides gleaming with joy and exhibiting their best foot forward as though they are the best families that the either side could have wished for.

These days it’s a mix of traditional & conservative mode of marriage. The boy & the girl chose for themselves, the parents generously accept (as they get relieved from the pressure of finding a suitable match), both the sides pitch in the money (frankly its mostly the girl & the boy) and both the side of parents are happy that they have done their duty well now it all up to YOU, your marriage is your business now. Internally they are very happy firstly because they did not have to go through the hassle of finding the right match as most of live in metro cities where no one knows no one. Secondly, they showed it to the society that they are not conservative and thirdly they relieve themselves from any issue that might erupt in future between the kids. However the traditional values still exit even in this case- “We will not drink water at our daughter’s place” or “I will not take a penny from my daughter’s salary”, “Sharmaji’s bahu is so efficient, she takes care of everything along with the job”, etc. etc.

Isn’t it all too confusing & complicated. Nobody wants to take responsibility any more not even the parents. But its fine as well, with the changing times it’s a two-edged sword, if they interfere we have an issue, if they don’t we again have an issue. We want best of all the worlds but sadly we are getting best of none.

I got married into a comparatively liberal family and I have an open-minded husband. My in laws don’t bother me at all and this fact bothers me (You must think I have lost it). I talk to them once in a week and sometimes once in two weeks but they are never show any concern even if I don’t call for three weeks. But when I call we talk good. If I tell my husband that I am having a drink with an old friend he would reply ok ask him to drop you home. If I take a late-night flight he says ok be careful and call when you reach but he would never call back to check assuming I would be fine! I should be happy with this set up isn’t it but I fail to understand this as well. Had I had a controlling husband or in-laws I would have been a victim but isn’t this being a victim of ignorance and loneliness? Does this not count to emotional insecurity coz my family have sent me to another house thinking I am their responsibility now & this house is never going to think I am one of their own. Do I have a home? Or am I just crazy!